Lonely - Together - Wholesome
The healing power of female yin energy
Portrait: Naturopath and fairy godmother in Sri Lanka
My journey ends with a yoga teacher training at "Yoga Lanka", Sri Lanka. Yoga Lanka is a hideaway located in the southern Habaraduwa – a small town at the gorgeous Koggala Lake. It is a beautiful and open place where great emphasis is placed on sustainability. Away from the hustle and bustle of the town and the honking tuk tuks on the streets, the retreat venue is tucked away in the green village interior. The oasis leads into the gigantic Koggala Lake, which is a nature reserve. There is a spice island in the middle of the lake where cinnamon is grown. The vast and wide lake radiates a magical tranquility: a moment of peaceful silence that seems to last forever. Looking at the lake, one becomes aware not only of the breathtaking beauty of nature, but also of the present moment – the here and now. When every now and then small eagles or storks elegantly hover over the lake in slow motion, time seems to stand still. In particular, the sunrises under clear skies, when stars as well as the crescent moon are still visible and the first rays of the sun gently touch the surface of the water, are a pure spectacle of color – for a few minutes, nature confronts you with its concentrated energy and charges you energetically. Two crocodiles also inhabit the lake. On the one hand, this is a pity, because you feel a strong urge to jump directly into the water, but on the other hand, it is also a good thing when people leave animals alone, which makes the place all the more special: you interact consciously and gently with nature. Overall, the place is a warm and protected nest for inner contemplation and tranquility – a kind of bubble, closed off from the outside world, where you can retreat surrounded by nature to nourish and balance body, mind and spirit.
Janina is the first person to take a seat next to me at the large solid wood table. We sit on a long bench, where all meals during the next three weeks will be taken together – here is the meeting point as well as the hub. It starts out as a typical get-to-know-you conversation between us, but quickly develops a dynamic that doesn't just scratch the surface. I make an effort not to immediately ask, "So what do you do for a living?" Instead, I ask why she chose to do a yoga teacher training in Sri Lanka, of all the places. It quickly becomes clear that we have some things in common: we both use tiger balm all the time, we are connected by the Middle Kingdom, we both read books related to Daoism at the same time, and we both have an affinity for New Zealand and talk about our fascination with the Maori culture – yet each of us has her own individual connection to the country. We find out that we both had the same first stop in Sri Lanka – pure coincidence or synchronicity after all? We are somehow on the same wavelength and understand each other. But something makes me suspicious at first. She seems slightly nervous, rubs her hands incessantly against her leg and sometimes looks uncertain, almost sad. What is going on inside her? I feel that she is slightly tense. We spend three intense weeks together, during which I learn to better understand her.
While we are conducting the interview, small luminous guests float by from time to time – they are fireflies that sparkle like little stars. Darkness has already fallen. We sit outside, the lake a few footsteps away from us, and sometimes quietly hear the water slapping against the shore. Janina herself is like one of these little worms, because her eyes also light up again and again when she talks about her profession, passion as well as her foster horse.
“It was love at first sight back then. For the last four years, she has been my anchor. [...]”
Horse love
Janina Lenzin (27) has long golden-brown hair that goes down to her hips, accurate bangs and deep green eyes with a brown-reddish glow that circles the iris like a sun. Janina is a petite creature and reminds of a graceful elf – her wing tattoo on her back emphasizes the image immensely. She grows up in the canton of Aargau, in the north of Switzerland, in the countryside. Surrounded by the magnificent nature, she is the eldest of two siblings. Currently she lives in Baden.
Already as a child, she feels like an outsider in elementary and secondary school, often not welcome and sometimes bullied for being "different". "I stopped playing at an early age, while my sister still played with Playmobil or Barbies," she describes her childhood. Books replaced her friends and she prefers to spend time with adults and listen to them instead of dealing with issues of her peers. Even as a child, she is more interested in more meaningful topics with depth and wonders about the meaning of life at an early age. Since she was four years old, however, she has been acting in children's theater and loves taking on different roles. Later I find out why she feels so "different".
I notice another tattoo on her, which is outlined dimly on her lower left upper arm. This tattoo represents her foster horse – a Baden-Württemberg black mare named Lanthana. As Janina proudly speaks of her, her eyes glaze over and her voice becomes very soft. They have been allowed to spend a lot of time together over the past few years. "It was love at first sight back then. For the last four years, she's been my anchor. I never saw anyone as much as I saw her. She was a mirror of myself and was very important to me – still is," she describes her bond with the horse. There still seems to be a loving relationship between the two, one of devotion – an invisible bond that may never break, and one that Janina looks back on with gratitude and love. Especially in difficult times, Lanthana has been an enormous support and companion for her.
After a long search for the right course of study, she pursued her desire to become a midwife at the age of 20. However, the entrance examination is extremely demanding in Switzerland and involves a number of hurdles. Janina narrowly fails the exams, which is mainly due to her physical and mental condition at the time. Among other things, she suffers from severe endometriosis – a benign but often painful chronic disease in which the lining of the uterus (called endometrium in medical jargon) is found outside the uterus, especially in the abdominal area. Janina has also struggled with eating disorders for years, which robs her body of energy and her mind of the focus it needs. But her path was going to be different anyway – one that was much more in line with her passion.
“Wow, I understand why this and that didn't work out. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. [...]”
Traditional Chinese medicine – a holistic approach
Since 2017, Janina has been intensively involved with alternative medicine. Her focus here is on traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), which originated almost 2500 years ago. When she was advised to take the pill after three surgeries for her severe abdominal pain, she started looking for alternatives. The hardly bearable endometriosis pain as well as the numbness in her own body lead her to a TCM healer. She is inspired by his all-encompassing knowledge as well as his sensitive approach to pain management. Not only does he take enough time for her, but his holistic approach to traditional Chinese medicine opens up a new world for her, one in which she feels protected and at the same time has a better understanding of her symptoms. Janina explains that TCM treatment shows a wonderful way to bring body, mind and spirit into harmony – an approach she can very much identify with and resonate with. Her naturopath becomes a kind of mentor and friend at the same time. She is so convinced by his holistic treatment that she decides to eventually study TCM in Lucerne herself. The studies open up both a new cosmos for her, where everything seems to be connected and makes sense, and a door to dive into and perceive her own microcosm. Looking back, she can categorize why everything turned out the way it did back then: "I understand why this and that didn't work out. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Especially during my studies, I had one realization after the other," she recapitulates her experience.
“For me, there is nothing else: body, mind and soul always belong together. It's inseparable. And that is often forgotten in Western medicine.”
Sri Lanka is a time-out for Janina, during which she wants to find out where her place is in the world. Because she has not found it yet. In Switzerland, she has not felt comfortable for quite some time, often not understood by her surroundings and driven into function and performance mode by society and its structures. "People no longer think holistically. They are burned out, tired, exhausted and have health issues. They want a quick remedy and come to me in a hurry so that I can show them the solution. This is not sustainable and does not correspond to my approach to healing at all," Janina describes her feelings about her work. Many people want to be quickly handed a key to their problems on a platter on the outside, instead of recognizing the root of their discomfort themselves on the inside and dealing with it – a process that requires patience as well as self-care. According to Janina, physical illness often results because of a wounded or even broken soul. "People are often tense, stressed, and unwilling to look within themselves to see where the root of all their pain as well as problems lie. For me, there is nothing else: body, mind and soul always belong together and are often forgotten in Western medicine," Janina forcefully illustrates. This healing path, however, requires looking deeper into one's own inner world, something that can never be found on the outside. This stressful, tense as well as fast-paced approach that is required of her does not feel right for Janina. It does not correspond to her understanding of helping people in a natural way as well as educating them holistically. Sometimes she sees more than twelve patients a day. The treatment needs time, space and above all enough energy to be able to engage with each person individually. However, these components are not given, so that Janina herself slowly burns out.
“I have observed that often listening to sick patients can be healing. Giving them space to express themselves - to let their souls speak without judging what is being said.”
Healing Yin Sister
I learn that she is training to be a nurse after high school. In conversation, she repeats again and again that many illnesses are psychosomatic: "You see a diagnosis, but it shows up differently in everyone, and yet they are all treated the same. I didn't understand that. This treatment of symptoms was never satisfying for me, the cause just didn't go away," she explains her own ethics as well as way of looking at things. Often illnesses and symptoms are treated as well as settled quickly by a medication supply. Side effects lead to taking more pills as well as medication – a vicious cycle that doesn't stop. "I have observed that often listening to sick patients can be healing. Giving them space to express themselves – to let their souls speak without judging what is being said," Janina describes her experience in the hospital. In her opinion, it is often the soul that is sick, not the body. The physical symptoms are a visual result, a cry for help from the injured soul, which, according to her, needs to be healed – that's where we should start first and look. Janina works, among other things, in a palliative care clinic – but she does not face the confrontation to death with fear, on the contrary. Instead, she sees these moments as a precious gift in which she can accompany patients in the last hours of their lives. But the state of the nursing system puts a heavy burden on her, and the required adjustment feels difficult and wrong. Therefore, not only as a nurse, but also as an alternative practitioner, she herself often lacks delimitation – she describes her own boundaries as very fine, so that she often exhausts herself and no longer feels her own body and needs properly. While she strives to serve her environment and fellow human beings and tries to help others, she loses sight of the most important person – herself.
The pandemic has enormously increased psychological problems for many people, especially in nursing: "It has always been the case that we were at the breaking point because there were far too few of us. Now it's being heard – as if it was something new. But it never was," Janina explains the current development at the hospitals, depressed. She doesn't want to go back.
“I have found that when I heal myself, I also help others to heal. Because in the end, we are all one. [...]”
High sensitivity: Living one's own truth
Janina suffers from a severe eating disorder at the age of 13 and consequently struggles with anorexia as well as depression for years. For a long time she felt wrong and not belonging in the world. She did not maintain a healthy and friendly relationship with her body – access to her own feelings seemed closed. The reasons for this are multi-layered and complex. But again, she is aware that her illness stems from her soul suffering, due in part to experiences, trauma and trauma inheritance, and her own negative beliefs. Even as a child, she feels somehow "different," not seen, not understood, and not heard. She feels she quickly becomes "too much" for others and feels that it is not her place to be as it is in her nature, because she simply perceives things and her environment differently or much more intensely than most of her peers. "I was often bullied for being different or had my good character taken advantage of," she says, describing her school days first and foremost. As a result, she never feels good enough and develops an unhealthy perfectionism that drains her of additional energy.
“[...] I am also allowed to walk my healing path and do my processes: each on his own path, but still together. [...]”
Janina is highly sensitive. According to estimates, every seventh person is highly sensitive. Those affected perceive the world around them more intensively and in greater detail than others. Their senses are more pronounced, so that overstimulation can often occur. If a person experiences permanent contradictions between his own perceptions, feelings as well as reactions of his environment, this can result in effective self-doubt and thus lead to a low as well as unstable self-esteem. The feeling of belonging to a group is essential for all people and for this reason everyone strives for such belonging. If the lack of conformity of one's own emotions with those of the environment stands in the way of one's own desires, this can lead to the affected person denying his or her own feelings.* This was also the case with Janina – she not only loses access to her own feelings in adolescence, but also to her body. Consequently, she suppresses her feelings and brakes herself out. When it becomes too much on the outside, she "leaves" her body. For a long time she tries to adapt her own behavior, to feel responsible for others, in the illusory hope of being accepted as well as included. The only control she has seems to be over her body. A disease that is by no means new territory within society and affects many young girls as well as boys.
She is on her way to healing and realizes that she doesn't have to be perfect and that this is completely okay. Still, she describes this disease like a kind of scar that can tear open quickly and you can easily fall into old patterns. "You have to realize that it's not your thoughts, it's sick thoughts. If you can distinguish that, it's easier," she says, describing the eating disorder and the thoughts associated with it.
Through her own experiences with depression, anorexia and the suppression of her own personality, Janina today feels more than ever called to strengthen other people, especially women, to regain their own power. Janina is not yet where she would like to be, and that is a good thing, because by healing herself along the way, she is also helping others: "I have found that when I heal myself, I also help others to heal. Because in the end we are all one. [...] I am not perfect and it is nice that I am allowed to show that. I have kept silent for so long and kept up appearances. I want to be authentic – but now I'm embracing all my facets, including the darker sides," Janina explains quietly, yet firmly. Because walking one's own authentic path also requires new courage again and again – especially showing one's vulnerable side, because at the same time you are making yourself the target of others. But Janina is confident. It's a process that demands discarding one layer at a time. "As a healing practitioner, I always thought I had to be perfect and already healed. But no, I don't have to be. I am also allowed to walk my healing path and do my processes: each on his own path, but still together. When we heal ourselves, we help other people along – men and women. Energy can be released and flow in this way," she explains.
I let sink in what has been said and think about it for a while. Many people are often not even aware of their predisposition to high sensitivity, and it is often interpreted as weakness in today's functional as well as patriarchal society – a dangerous collective conception that Janina has also fallen prey to. "I often don't know whether these are now my feelings or foreign energies," Janina explains. Therefore, she says, it is always necessary to take oneself out, to focus on one's emotions as well as needs through silence and self-reflection – to give ourselves space, to listen to our own voice. Through her TCM studies, Janina is also able to better understand her own endometriosis as well as put it into a larger context: "So many women have menstrual cramps in society, some of them are ashamed of it and put themselves down – this reflects the imbalance within society," Janina explains about the interaction between mind, body and the environment. She has therefore made it her mission to encourage women to better understand, accept and honor their bodies and their own cycles. With education and openness to counteract a taboo subject, which has not yet received sufficient attention within society. She has thus turned her greatest pain into her greatest gift.
*Source: Reichardt, E. (2016). Hochsensibel. Wie sie Ihre Stärken erkennen und ihr wirkliches Potential entfalten. Irisiana Verlag
Excursus: Yin and Yang within TCM
The Chinese representation of the yin-yang principle as an intertwined black and white circle represents the dualistic principles and comes from the natural philosophy of Daoism. The term Dao (dào 道), is usually translated as "the right way" or "the great sense" and originated in China, in the period between 5th and 6th century B.C. The guiding idea of these principles deals with life lived in harmony, balance as well as in accordance with natural laws. This philosophy describes the phenomena of nature as well as its correlations to each other and to the universe. In Daoism, man is perceived as connected with everything – nothing exists separately. In its original meaning, Yang refers to the sun-facing side of a mountain (sun side of a hill) and Yin refers to the side away from the sun (moon side of a hill). The black area (yin) stands for the feminine and soft, for darkness, tranquility and passive receiving. White (Yang), on the other hand, stands for masculinity, sun or brightness and warmth, as well as active giving. Each gender cultivates both yin and yang energies and qualities within itself. The principles are extremely complex and multi-layered. However, at their core, they state that everything in life is polar. There are always two opposing forces that are in harmony with each other: light:dark, day:night, summer:winter, anger:joy, life:death; growth:decay, etc. Two opposite poles that attract and complement each other. One cannot exist without the other. Thus, the yin and yang elements are always to be considered in relation to each other. Consequently, life means imbalance and not static balance. For it is only in imbalance that the space for new possibilities as well as change arises. In Daoism, everything is therefore subject to the constant flow of change.
A medical monitoring device, for example, measures the rhythm of the heart rate – wave-like sinus curves can be seen. Accordingly, it is completely natural and correct that life resembles a roller coaster ride. If everything were still and in perfect harmony, there would be no life, because life consequently means imbalance. In TCM, diseases often arise due to the imbalance of these energies. Far Eastern medicine therefore attempts to cure physical illnesses through a wide variety of practices aimed at balancing the life energy or qi flow (qì 氣) in the body.
Source:
seiwerdubist.at/shiatsu/hintergrundinfos/traditionell-chinesische-medizin/
tcm-im-alltag.net/tcm/tao-dao-yin-yang-prinzip/
“It is important to me to accompany people in remembering their feminine, gentle and intuitive power - also men. This also means showing yourself to be vulnerable. It is a gift when you have access to your yin energy, which radiates calmness and empathy. [...]”
Be Yin – Living the feminine power
The current society is largely Yang dominated, if you look at the business world first and foremost. Masculine attributes such as technology, restlessness, fast pace, performance and a constant competition, which in TCM is assigned to the Yang energy, guide and dominate our everyday life. This poses an enormous challenge, because qualities such as intuition, compassion, empathy, calmness, softness and withdrawal, which are to be localized in the female Yin energy, are often considered weaknesses and not desirable in a functional world. Yet both parts (yin and yang elements) are integrated in our bodies and it is important to keep them in balance – especially in the modern Western world.
Janina's website is titled "Be Yin". The message is clear: she wants to address and encourage women in particular to get back into their feminine as well as inherent energy, because it is every woman's birthright to fully live out, embrace and empower her strengths and natural qualities. She wants to encourage young girls and women to come out of their shells so that they can recognize and, above all, appreciate their pearls again – away from adaptation, self-criticism, self-doubt, and suppression of their own needs and emotions. Women must rather go to strengthen their inner selves again and stand by themselves with self-confidence. Why put on a thick skin when it is so much more free and easy to live without it? However, a collective change in society can only take place if you first start with yourself.
In many areas of life, women are constantly trying to do their best and give their all: as a mother, wife, friend, daughter or at work – a challenging burden in which a healthy balance is almost impossible to achieve. Janina wants to strengthen the Yin-parts of each person, which also means to show one's vulnerable as well as soft side, because this ultimately reflects our human nature. This also applies to men: to let go of the "Indians don't cry" image and rather give their own feelings the space they need. According to her, just as boys and men may learn to live out their feminine yin parts more and establish a connection to their emotions and show them without shame. Both men and women cultivate both parts within themselves, which need to be brought back into balance with each other. Janina is convinced that a balance between both poles leads in the long run to a harmonious, healthier and human togetherness, in which a hectic elbow society is overpainted by empathy, compassion as well as goodwill. It is the long-term balance between heart (yin) and mind (yang) that leads to an intact as well as friendlier society, which has a massive impact on the health of each person. Janina writes blog articles on her website and deals, among other things, with the topics of "intuition" and "endometriosis", which are embedded in a holistic context. For example, a sentence in one of her articles reads as follows:
"Alternative medicine opens the perspective and considers endometriosis as a message of body, mind and soul." To educate as well as to create awareness for the yin qualities of someone is her great mission: "It is important to me to accompany people in remembering their feminine, gentle and intuitive power – also men. That also means showing yourself to be vulnerable. It's a gift to have access to your yin energy, which radiates calm and empathy. Our society is so outward oriented: Speed, performance, dynamism, even better, even faster, even more efficient – to feel is seen as a weakness. The consciousness especially in the professional world has to change", Janina underlines her intentions.
“Our soul shows itself through the body and through symptoms - that's where it can express itself.”
The topic of embodiment also plays a central role in her therapeutic work. Embodiment means "feeling emotions" and the body. Here, the body is to be understood as a mirror of the soul and can best be understood as a free dance with oneself – an expression of the soul through the body happens purely intuitively. Our experiences in the world around us are not only recorded in our brain, but also in every cell of our body. Accordingly, emotions, experiences as well as thoughts have an influence on our bodies. According to Janina, embodiment is used in process work and trauma therapy: "Our soul, the innermost part, shows itself through the body and through symptoms – there it can express itself. Everything is allowed to flow and show itself, and it all happens naturally," Janina explains.
Full of devotion, she describes her mission as follows, which she has found through her own, sometimes bitter, experiences: "My fire is that people can show themselves fully with me, just like they really are and can drop the cover without being judged. They can fully trust me. I have always felt that. I think I nurture that and bring out the yin side in people."
“When my heart starts to sparkle. When I feel I get to accompany people and remind them how to heal themselves and allow them to just be. To come home to themselves.”
Unity
I like the quote "Sometimes you have to get lost, to find your way" and I think this sentence describes Janina's way to Sri Lanka very well. In Switzerland she loses herself and slowly finds herself in the distance – here she is allowed and can be herself and does not have to adapt. She is just learning to develop access to her own feelings again and to transform her fears into trust; in doing so, it is important for her to show herself vulnerable and to stand by her shady sides from the past. "All my pains and injuries are a part of me. I can't deny that anymore. They make me complete," she explains. She describes that being alone often brings old traumas and memories to the surface – dealing with them is painful, but very important for her development process.
Like a bridge, she accompanies people to activate their self-healing powers, to cross over the river of their own fears and sorrows, where they find better body awareness for themselves on the other side – healing through trust in their own emotions and awareness of their physical feelings. She gently takes her patients by the hand, but lets them go as soon as they are able to take personal responsibility for their own health. It is a natural process, which, according to her, every person is capable of, but it is a prerequisite to understand that emotions and physical symptoms are one. Janina draws from her own treasury, which has been closed for a long time, and wants to share her experience and knowledge. Instead of adapting, she creates her own little community wherever she goes, where everyone is welcome.
I admire her ambition, how despite her own problems she still finds the strength to initiate consultations, treatments and women's circles and to carry them out with passion. Even during her time-consuming yoga training, she gives TCM treatments – mostly unasked and voluntarily. Sometimes she is just there to listen and holds the space. For example, when our yoga teacher suffers a broken toe, he is seen a little later continuing to teach in front of the group: with needles on his head and feet, he sits on a chair and continues to convey the content to us students – a rare as well as curious sight. He blindly trusts Janina, who is confident and professional in what she does. She always has her needles for acupuncture treatments with her on her journey. Although she is open about her weaknesses and insecurities and says that she sometimes lacks self-esteem, she seems to prove the opposite in her work. During the treatment, in which she focuses on her counterpart with dedication and empathy – she appears self-confident and strong. At the same time, Janina radiates a trusting, soft and loving warmth. Yes it is true, she cultivates and embodies yin forces and brings calm to chaos.
“It is important to me that I always take enough time for the person and explain holistically how everything is connected according to TCM. A home where they can show themselves and remember their essence.”
Janina dreams of her own yoga shala with therapy rooms in nature – a meeting place surrounded by silence, centering and balance, where safety is spread – maybe there are even horses. She finds it hard to allow herself to dream big. But after a pause of silence she continues: "It is important to me that I always take enough time for people and explain holistically how everything is connected according to TCM. A home where they can show themselves and remember their essence. I will accompany them with the techniques and therapy methods they need – individually."
Janina looks smiling at the fireflies in the darkness and there is a lovely pleasant breeze. She continues, "I see a place where people can interact and remember their own healing powers," she describes her dream, her eyes sparkling. She is certain that she will continue her education in trauma therapy and shamanism and find her own style of therapy, which she is already practicing. "Maybe I'll live in New Zealand...," Janina laughs modestly. She doesn't yet know where her place in the world is, and that's perfectly fine, because at least she feels and sees what she wants, if not yet where. "I believe that the most important place we need to find is home within ourselves."
The unknown is adventurous and exciting, if sometimes frightening at the same time, but that is the principle of Yin and Yang: only in the darkness do we see the light. It is bizarre and ironic, but according to Daoism it is exactly this harmonious balance in life that is reflected: you are so good at giving the best and smartest advice to others and you see what is missing or going wrong, but you yourself often lack clear vision – you are almost blind. But this is exactly why we depend on each other – we need each other to hold up a mirror to remind us of our path as well as the core of our being. After all, we are all like trees whose roots are intertwined under the ground. My final question is what Janina would say to her 8-year-old self. She smiles, her answer is loving and clear: "You should love yourself, with all your facets. You are just right the way you are. You are allowed to dream and be free and, first and foremost, take responsibility for yourself."
Text and Photos: Katharina Hahn
Photo editing and English translation: Johannes Hahn (Webseite, Instagram)
Publication: 22.12.2022
More infos about Janina Lenzin: Instagram
Individual offers, holistic support and therapy (also online) at: Be Yin
